You know, I am so grateful that my family is in good shape and we have a roof over our heads BUT . . . may I bleat for a moment? I have to tell you, my life isn't all fabulous. (Just in case you thought there was some mythical life other people were having that you are missing out on.)
Last week, due to my own stupidity, I failed to show for a “casual read-thru” of a movie script, which turned out to be a massively important studio deal. I had read the call-time wrong and was heading across town -- scooby-dooby-doo -- thinking I was 50 minutes early and got a frantic call saying, “Where the hell are you? You're 50 minutes late!!" I was so discombobulated that I could not recover. I screwed up important jokes, making myself seem like an amateur. I was out of step with the rest of the cast who were all phenomenal. The role was such a no-brainer for me that really, it should not have been possible for me to fail. The producer was most cold to me afterwards.
I shamed myself in the worst way. My agents, who used to tear their hair out about me, now just shrug. That Lucy, she's just freaky. I turn down scripts that are sure bets. (For good reasons in my mind.) But I confound them with the things I DO want to do. On the other hand I was so bitterly disappointed with myself that the next project I went in on, I took the prep really, really seriously and managed to salvage some self-respect. It doesn't mean you get the job, but you have to feel you are capable of doing good work, otherwise you'd leave, wouldn't you At least, I would.
Cat Crimins sent me a card saying: ". . . whether it is clear to you or not, doubtless, the universe is unfolding as it should." It has always been my experience that this is true. It's just that right now I ain't feeling it.
You know in the time that it took me to proofread this, I got over it. I'm bored with my own whining.
Gee, sorry about that.
Thanks for letting me unload.
L
Sujet: 4 fevrier 
Mer 11 Aoû - 13:27